I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
40s are totally the cure
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
