Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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