I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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