I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
