it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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