Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Be still, my beating vagina.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
