Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
