either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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