Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
