i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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