I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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