New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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