Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
