its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
My pussy is not your playground.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
