i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
