Church boner. Awkwardddd
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
