i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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