I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
