I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
