You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
