Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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