Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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