We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
