he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
accomplished twins. life is a go
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
