dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
