threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
