he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
