We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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