Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
What drink are we having for lunch?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Someone signed my nipple.
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