she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
