I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
