Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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