Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
