All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
