I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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