She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Randomize
