kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
