Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
