Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
