jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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