After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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