I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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