He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
