How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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