I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
nutella sex= disaster
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I just want to make out with him forever
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
