After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
