Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
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