i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
