he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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