You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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